Nkiru Njoku, The head writer for Mnet Tinsel has weighed in on the trending rape argument that began after a man alleged a woman claimed he raped her though she initially agreed to have sex with him.
The man involved said he was having consensual sex with the woman when, mid-action, she told him to stop, but he refused, pinned her down and continued because she already consented earlier and cannot stop him halfway (read here). He is now asking to know if it qualifies as rape.
Opinions were divided on whether what he did can be considered rape and Ms. Njoku has now given her two cents.
Read her opinion below.
There is a story making the rounds. A young man wrote about his encounter with a girl. He alleged that they had mutually consenting sex and graphically described how she pulled him close and announced her orgasm and subsequently asked him to stop penetrating her.
He admitted to refusing to stop. And announced that he forcefully finished off and attained his own orgasm inspite the girl’s insistence.
Now he says the girl is accusing him of rape and is worried that she is ‘maligning’ him thus. Yes, after consent has been withdrawn, any penetration is rape.
The online emotionality is understandable, after all we are all human beings. When you’re eating yummy jollof rice and you are asked to stop and spit it out, e dey hard.
Difference here is that the jollof rice cannot speak for itself. So you can quickly rush and swallow the thing before the person that asked you to stop comes to slap it out of your mouth.
Vagina is not jollof rice. It has an owner. If you are inside there and the owner was first enjoying it and then stopped enjoying it for reasons no one seems bothered to explore and she says ‘stop!’, you should stop.
Is it easy? No.
And perhaps she broke some unwritten rule in the book of sexual conduct which only you guys seem to have a copy of.
But it is not your vagina. It is hers.
“Oh she’s a wicked girl, how could she do that and still call him a rapist?”
That’s fine, you can feel bad and you can call her names. But removing consent is removing consent. Not that you’ll take my word for it so please go ahead and debate it anywhere if you please.
All of that is even second base, excuse the pun.
My issue is this: has anyone spoken to the girl in question?
No, don’t come here saying “if a girl says she’s been raped you people don’t wait to ask questions, so why does anyone need to hear her side of the story now that she’s been ‘called out’?”
No, homie. She’s the one claiming to have been raped. If there’s any chance no matter how slim, that this was indeed the case, and she has a different narrative from what the young man wrote, which is not impossible, then you cannot in all honesty think that it is okay to run with what uncle has said and crucify her on the alter of public opinion just because you feel ‘somehow’ about a woman ‘leading a man on’ and then asking him to withdraw.
Your feelings are valid to you but when another person’s well being is concerned, your ‘why are women like this’ feelings of angst, are utter rubbish.
Don’t tell me about the sex chats between them. Don’t tell me how she seemed so ready.
Don’t tell me how HE SAID she orgasmed and moaned into his ear.
Just tell me why after he alleged that she told a couple of people, he quickly came online and called her out, graphically describing what supposedly transpired.
YOU know that our society wants to shame women for agreeing to have sex in the first place, don’t you?
You know that our society will call her a bad girl anyway don’t you?
You know that even women will blame her and say ‘why did she go there sef?’, right?
So the thing is already skewed against her.
And that’s what’s annoying me now.
She is the one who will be on the defensive, explaining things.
Because this society does not want her to own her sex, her initial desire for sex, her subsequent desire to stop the sex, and her annoyance at being forced after she no longer wanted the sex.